Karamellgewitter

There are people who know ...

2012-01-06T23:16:00.000+01:00

... that the only possible reaction to finding a slug in your bathroom is to put it on a toothbrush and start taking pictures of it.

And then there are other people.

It's fall. The trees go topless.

2011-11-19T11:07:00.001+01:00

From the great battle of shopping lists not all of the brave soldiers returned home.

2011-11-17T21:25:00.000+01:00

I love making faces.

2011-11-17T21:22:00.001+01:00

Here's my favorite face of November.

I can't remember where I am, but it looks like I'm having fun.

2011-10-25T19:16:00.000+02:00

Okay, from the picture I do remember now. It is the new exhibition of the "Hamburg Water Color Workshop" (hamburger aquarellwerkstatt) at Fabrik der Künste. Could somebody get me a glass of water now please?

The dog with no end.

2011-10-23T13:41:00.001+02:00

A couple ofmonths ago a peculiar shaggy dog started straying in the streets of my brain. Ihave been watching him for some time now and I think he will turn into astory titled „The dog with no end“ soon. Just give it some time.

As much as I knowso far he lives with an old lady who can’t remember his name, which doesn’tmatter much because he can’t remember her name either, and when you know whoyou are and who the other person is and you don’t talk to anybody else anyway,names aren’t really that necessary. It is hard to tell the front and the backof the dog apart, and even the dog himself can’t sometimes, but that doesn’tmatter much either, because the dog is used to bumping into things and he has learned that if oneof his ends can’t manage to eat the food the old lady puts into his dish,the other end surely can.

The old ladykeeps losing things, and when she blames it on her absent-mindedness the dogdoesn’t object, although he knows that some of those lost things turn up in hishair some time later (one day when he licked his left hind leg he found aporcelain dolphin, a dollar bill and the key to the attic they both hadbelieved to be gone, and he silently put everything back on the kitchen table). When times get tougher financially, his clumsinessturns out to be a lifesaver for the two of them.

What's the word for the moment when ...

2011-10-11T18:28:00.001+02:00

... your bad conscience about not picking up your absent colleague's phone turns into sheer anger that it just WON'T STOP RINGING?

Does my little one have enough friends?

2011-10-05T18:50:00.000+02:00

As a single working mum you are always concerned about your baby getting enough attention. My little Who tells me I shouldn't worry, because he has one really close buddy. But I'm not sure. His best friend looks too much like a guy I knew when I was child - and see where it got me.

Why go to the museum when you can see art from your porch?

2011-10-02T18:03:00.000+02:00

I was wondering ...

2011-10-01T13:23:00.004+02:00

... don't people with eyes on their fingertips just hate touchscreens?

The new old-fashioned girl.

2011-07-02T15:58:00.012+02:00

I met her in the hall. She looked lost, but was smiling bravely. Where had she come from? Probably from a place far far away or a time long gone by. From the beginning it was clear that nobody would ask her to come in, stay for dinner or an evening in front of the fireplace. She wasn't cuddly. She was holding up. Holding back her tears. Not giving in to misery and loneliness. The air of uprootedness that she exuded was most likely what made people aggressive. Some put old gum or candy wrappers into her little basket when they passed by. Others pulled up her dress and let her stand there exposed. Four days ago she vanished. I couldn't quite believe she had just walked away. When I went out to have breakfast this morning I saw that she was back. She was standing in the same spot, looking out of the window, her hair a little disheveled. We didn't talk much but I asked her if she needed a place to stay and she said yes. And that's all that counts right now.

Tips for traveling with small monkeys: Cruising the Caribbean.

2011-05-01T17:19:00.018+02:00

If you want to cruise with small monkeys, you should pick a cruise line that offers special programs and meals for your little ones. For our trip from Miami to Cozumel, Mexico we chose Celebrity Cruises - and were more than delighted by their service. It was truly outstanding: friendly, warm and highly professional at the same time, and truly monkey-oriented. Both Who and Whose enjoyed themselves and never got bored (which can be a big problem when traveling with monkeys). Room service supplied them with a wholesome diet of champagne and bananas.

At Celebrity Cruises they offer a wide range of monkey activities. All programs are geared to specific age groups and supervised by experienced monkey staff members. Celebrity monkeys are happy, engaged, and entertained. They can enjoy crafts, music, karaoke, treasure hunts, theme parties, movies and lots more. An assortment of LeapFrog® interactive toys are available for use in the Fun Factory and can also be checked out for private use.

We also made good use of the private in-stateroom Monkey Sitter (they charge a nominal fee of $8.00 per hour, for up to two monkeys within the same family).

And: Our stateroom attendant Jannis proofed to be a real sweetie. When we didn't make it home in time she read the critters stories and put them to bed. Thank you again, Jannis!

Have you heard from Big Bird lately?

2011-04-14T00:59:00.023+02:00

Happy New Year from the Harz mountains!

2011-01-01T21:15:00.004+01:00

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

What's the Wurst that could happen? Being held sausage.

2010-12-09T22:40:00.006+01:00

Beyond vanilla: My all time ice cream flavor favourite.

2010-12-04T17:38:00.005+01:00

It's definitely "Maraschino Cherry 'n' Ants". Tastes even better with a touch of concrete.

The hair salon at Pooh corner.

2010-12-03T22:38:00.013+01:00

Who would have thought: Christopher Robin works with L'Oreal Paris now. As a hair colorist slash styling expert.

Christopher Robin then. Black and white. Says things like: "Silly old bear!"

Christophe Robin now. It's all about color. Says things like: "Highlights can easily add personality and dimension to your style." What can I say? Bother, bother...

Who's that girl?

2010-11-20T21:08:00.006+01:00

Found her in my head this morning and was surprised to have a visitor so early in the day. Didn't quite get what she wanted from me, guess she applied for an internship, but I said I didn't have any vacant positions right now. She left with a disappointed expression on her face (or was that just her face?) and didn't leave a name or number and now that I think about it, maybe there IS some work she could do for me, like filing or tax stuff or feeding the dust bunny. So please, Girl With The Unhappy Face, if you read this, please try again. I'll be in tonight.

Tips for traveling with small monkeys

2010-11-20T19:01:00.029+01:00

Traveling with small monkeys is a challenging but very rewarding experience. Most European citys have discovered simian tourists as a promising target group and offer special packages for weekend trips. But there are still some things you should keep in mind when traveling with your furry friend. Before you hit the road I recommend you make sure to book into a hotel that is known for its monkey-friendliness. In Munich Motel One Sendlinger Tor has proven to be the perfect place for Who and me. No stares, no sneers, no problem - hotel guests and staff are pretty relaxed, even at breakfast time when the lobby can get really crowded.

Sightseeing tours are also a fun thing to do with monkeys. Who and I hopped on a bus at Munich central station and did the one hour tour of the most important sights. Although small monkeys are supposed to ride in your lap, you shouldn't have a problem with a well behaving monkey sitting in a regular seat when the tour isn't completely booked.

And then there's one special tip for travelers with a sweet fang. Café Maelu in Theatinerstrasse makes the most beautiful and perfect little cakes, every single one a wonderful little gift in a wonderful little black box. Monkeys just love them! Who truly couldn't get enough of the poppyseed-mousse-with-a-cassis-core "toertchens".

How about a nice bottle of Paradontitis?

2010-11-14T12:21:00.007+01:00

No, thanks, I'm still suffering from Kokkineli and drinking gives me Naousa.

Nobody knows how to scare me the way I do.

2010-11-09T20:24:00.004+01:00

Gone fishing.

2010-10-24T14:13:00.009+02:00

Bavarian highway police report that a truck loaded with fish skidded and capsized on autobahn 7 near Kempten on Friday. The cargo spilled onto the road and was spread over a distance of 100 meters. Only few animals survived the accident, the driver escaped unhurt. It took highway maintenance two hours to collect the seafood, estimated costs of the accident are 40,000 Euros.

Everyday mysteries - What happened here?

2010-10-23T18:58:00.012+02:00

Suggestions:

1. Somebody stuffed his wet shoes with paper and put them out in the sun so they would dry faster. The right shoe felt too exposed and walked away.

2. A one-legged vampire was waiting for the "walk" signal to cross the street when he was caught by the rising sun and turned to... errr.. paper.

3. The installation has been set up by a small ad agency in another helpless attempt at guerilla advertising. If you unfold the paper it says "Curious for shoes? Great discounts at Slipper's!"

4. It's a trap!

I know I'm not supposed to pick him up, but ...

2010-09-19T13:22:00.004+02:00

... he is so cute. And he smells so good! May I keep him, Daddy?

How many eyes does it take to make a face?

2010-09-18T19:12:00.013+02:00

Here's looking at you, kid. I don't remember why I googled "scallop" after ordering my sushi tonight, but I was shocked when I learned that scallops have eyes. Not the regular two or four or even eight - they have 60 eyes! Augsburg College shows some nice pictures here: www.augsburg.edu/home/biology/photoofmonth/scallop-eyes.html. So... I'm wondering: If you don't eat anything with a face - would you eat scallops? How many eyes does it take to make a face? And how many are too many?

Honestly, dear raspberry ...

2010-09-04T13:00:00.005+02:00

I don't want to be discouraging, but... don't you think September is a little late to start blossoming?

No nibbling, Earl!

2010-08-29T11:18:00.009+02:00

And then Mr Hopper took her to a concert.

2010-08-22T15:54:00.009+02:00

And then St. George changed his mind and started tickling the dragon.

2010-08-17T21:35:00.005+02:00

And they lived happily ever after.

What would Pippi Longstocking do?

2010-07-31T16:11:00.006+02:00

In times when you don't have all the answers, the right question can give you a surprisingly helpful new perspective. This one seems to work pretty well for me.

New mystery series on Karamellgewitter: What happened here?

2010-07-08T19:14:00.002+02:00

I found this little crime scene one block down the street and it inspired me to start a new series. There are so many weird things out there! And people too... What do you think happened here? Did a giant fox have an allergic reaction to nicotine and shed his fur? Or is it an ancient Viking shaving spot? Everybody is invited to make suggestions!

Hot news on sandalism: Crime rate rises as temperatures soar, police say.

2010-06-27T12:42:00.009+02:00

Local residents claim noise-induced hearing loss due to planting of vuvuzela tree.

2010-06-20T14:26:00.008+02:00

What started out as a clever marketing idea to promote the arboretum at Hamburg "Planten un Blomen" park, now has resulted in a heated debate on flowers and football. 5 local residents claim they suffered hearing loss from exposure to the noise of a newly planted vuvuzela tree in the park. Despite the obvious damage, park management disclaims liability: "The tree is actually pretty quiet most of the time. It only hoots when Germany scores a goal at the world cup, which only happened four times in the first game against Australia."

And this is why I love where I live.

2010-05-29T13:21:00.004+02:00

Always new people moving in!

Goldberg Variations vs Friday Night City Noise: 0-1.

2010-05-23T12:18:00.004+02:00

When Ms Mangrove finally decided to get a manicure, I was more than happy to help.

2010-05-14T20:00:00.002+02:00

Sympathy for Eyjafjallajökull: Think twice before you call me an ashhole.

2010-04-18T11:32:00.010+02:00

Before you start cursing Eyjafjallajökull for completely messing up your vacation plans, try to see it this way: This poor guy had a very hard life until now. Since he was a baby volcano, he has always held his feelings back. But at some point of their lives most people feel that shutting down doesn't work for them anymore, and that's when they start looking for an escape from their loneliness and detachment. So did Eyjafjallajökull, who is now releasing energy from suppressed emotions and cleaning the garbage out of his life. We should really support him in letting go of fear, anger and frustration and moving forward with his life. Good job, Eyjafjallajökull!

The very best of erectile poetry: "Wednesday herd Kentucky".

2010-04-11T12:35:00.011+02:00

I like spam when it comes with poetry. Thanks for your email, Dr. Anette Schwarz. Keep sending me cool stuff, please. It's so inspiring.

Wednesday herd Kentucky,

salary Mauritius redesigned

turned Nine Marines

retire.

For some strange reason the skinny little bird felt attracted to humans.

2010-04-06T22:10:00.012+02:00

And although her feathers were dishelveled and she never sang, ...

... the family seemed to like her. And they fed her seeds and cheese ...

... and meatballs, and that's how she survived the long winter.

Good morning, Mr Le, the world says hello!

2010-03-29T21:30:00.007+02:00

I like my neighbor's attitude a lot. Isn't it wonderful to be welcomed by the world every morning? Come in and enjoy!

You're not going to fool ME, food industry!

2010-03-23T19:16:00.003+01:00

Spring butts.

2010-03-19T15:01:00.005+01:00

Ahh, finally winter has given way to spring, nature shakes off its snowy coat and the first hopeful butts appear among last year's brown leaves.

"What are you taking that picture for? What are you taking THAT PICTURE FOR???"

2010-03-16T20:30:00.000+01:00

... asked the man who watched me taking a picture of a solitary peeled orange next to the stairs at the park entrance. "It's not good for anything. It's just good. It is. And that's good enough", I answered, but I think that wasn't a good enough answer for him.

2010-03-15T11:27:00.008+01:00

Obviously it's not autos what they want. German newspaper "Die Welt" revealed in an article today that "the emotional attachment to cars as status symbols" is fading among young Germans. The generation of men and women under the age of 25 sees the car merely as a means of transportation. What a concept. From my standpoint as an adversitising professional I find this development very alarming, immediate action is required, we have to find new spark plugs to ignite automotive love, supercharge the relationship with emotion, accelerate our efforts to ... screeech. From my personal standpoint I'm really looking forward to roller blading to Berlin on the empty autobahn in summer.

When Robinson Crusoe returned, he found that someone had gone through his stuff.

2010-03-14T18:53:00.013+01:00

Robinson rubbed his eyes. Wasn't that his Encyclopedia Britannica? And there: the rare recording of "Relax – Wagner for meditation", sleeveless in the sand! He sprinted towards the palm trees, where he had built his studio apartment.

Oh no! The place was a mess. His collection of vintage plastic bags, his disposable coffee cup lids, and the shirts he had carefully woven from coconut fibers and monkey nose hair - all one big clutter.

The worst sight was the office: ransacked drawers, his goat leather couch dirty with chocolate, his typewriter gone. Robinson closed his eyes and took a deep breath. In, out, in, out – relax. At least they hadn't taken his record player.

Nothing better than doubt doubting itself.

2010-03-12T19:20:00.003+01:00

Last night my mother called me. She told me she loves me. I hung up and thought: "Oh, well, she just said that because she loves me." I guess that's a true statement.

Strange things get caught in my brain at night.

2010-03-11T15:05:00.004+01:00

If nothing else helps, Walt Whitman does. Always.

2010-03-10T18:25:00.004+01:00

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then. I contradict myself.
I am large.
I contain multitudes."

Using black as a background color is cheating.

2010-02-24T21:00:00.007+01:00

Heavy snow disrupts traffic on I-95 northbound approaching birdhouse junction.

2010-02-16T12:36:00.004+01:00

Unfortunately the cold weather didn't have any influence on the migration behavior of the Hamburg giant slugs.

2010-01-30T17:37:00.009+01:00

After 50 years of being married grandpa and grandma still slept in the same position every night.

2010-01-21T22:49:00.006+01:00

"Sleep sweet", said grandma banana. "Sweet dreams", said grandpa banana. And they fell asleep.

New #1 on my list of examples for "good intention, bad execution".

2010-01-16T18:12:00.008+01:00

And yes - I did that myself.

Halfway between there and nowhere.

2010-01-02T21:00:00.003+01:00

Merry Christmas And A Tasty New Year!

2009-12-30T20:05:00.005+01:00

I'm sorry I had to do this to Santa ...

... but I'm really proud of my wool meat!

Since the neighborhood kids weren't allowed to play with him, fire learned to occupy himself early on.

2009-12-28T16:07:00.010+01:00

People are those creatures who know you are as alive as they.

2009-12-23T10:49:00.007+01:00

Isn't it wonderful? Dustbunny is still growing thanks to his healthy diet of handpicked dust, hair, select breadcrumbs and the occasional dandruff. Curious critter that he is, he even grew an eye. I wonder what will be next.

High on my list of things I hope I won't get for Christmas: the bacon-wrapped skull.

2009-12-21T18:58:00.007+01:00

Would you rather drown in milk or in beer?

2009-12-17T09:48:00.004+01:00

Philip says, it depends on whether you have cookies or not.

34º F

2009-12-02T17:57:00.010+01:00

It's strange, but I just can't remember what cold weather feels like. I'm at a complete loss when it comes to winter clothes. What did I wear last year? Was that black coat warm enough at 34º? And if I take the bike? Will I sweat if I wear my hoody underneath? How about a hat? A scarf? Two pairs of socks? Boots? Sneakers? Fur? I guess it will be spring by the time I figure it out.

I am not anti, I'm pro-nothing.

2009-11-21T16:01:00.015+01:00

As Paul Watzlawick, the Austrian-American psychologist and philosopher, puts it "one cannot not communicate". Every behavior is a kind of communication and since there is no anti-behaviour, we are always communicating. Now what can I do if I feel there is too much communication in the world? Talk about it? How can I make a statements about not making a statement? How can I show the absence of something or better: the presence of nothing? I was thinking about founding the movement of active silence. People would meet and aggressively refrain from expressing their thoughts. We would have posters without words. Give out blank flyers. We would have a webpage without content. (Or just some downloads like empty PDF files or soundless ringtones.) We would meet, hold hands and not sing. We would multiply nothing by not using our megaphones, creating a roaring silence. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Something worth not talking about?

Sometimes I wonder what my feet do when I go to bed early.

2009-11-19T23:45:00.003+01:00

The perfect pet for MAUPAVs*.

2009-11-11T20:55:00.007+01:00

Still a little shy, but warming up: our new dustbunny.

Isn't he cute? Our Dusty is still a baby and only three

inches tall, but we'll keep feeding him all the good stuff!

*Middle-Aged Urban People Afraid of Vacuuming.

Meet my imaginary piglets.

2009-11-09T23:07:00.003+01:00

I'm pretty sure I don't have swine flu. But I feel sick enough to go to bed after lunch for a 30 minute nap without having a guilty conscience about it! But why is that so? Is feeling sick a valid excuse for napping, or does my bad conscience have a flu too and just doesn't work properly?

Somewhere there's a pool dreaming of my return.

2009-11-05T20:55:00.003+01:00

Few rooms, plenty of space: the Golden Cross Hotel in Prague.

2009-11-03T19:17:00.016+01:00

The Golden Cross is situated right in Prague's city center, between Wenceslas Square and the Old Town. From the outside it looks tiny, but it is much bigger on the inside.

Once we had moved into our room, it took us three days to find our way out. Fortunately the front desk had provided us with a map and an audio guide that explained all the sights.

If you are looking for abundant room, the Golden Cross is your place to stay. There is not only a big bedroom (lots of space in and under the bed), but also a lounge with chairs and a sofa.

The closet offers enough room for all your winter coats, shirts, dresses and one or two compact cars ...

... and the bathroom is so vast you should pack a lunch when you are planning to go and take a shower. Check it out:

www.antikhotels.com/goldencross.php. I absolutely recommend it.

Dear Prague, if you're taking pictures, I'm taking pictures back!

2009-11-02T21:58:00.004+01:00

If I were a landscape ...

2009-10-31T18:41:00.018+01:00

... I would look like this: Rock, trees, colors, views ...

... views, rock, colors, fields ...

... fields, views, rock, colors ...

... views, rock, fog and the Elbe river ...

... color, leaves, tears, beautiful ...

Pretty old graffiti on the rock ...

... and a whole lot of people climbing the Lilienstein with babies on their back.

Is it strange to develop romantic feelings for a landscape? Saxon Switzerland was great, colorful, dark, bright, high, low, warm, cold, and a little bit scary. I love it.

Evil on the rise: The breadification of a once culturally diverse neighborhood.

2009-10-26T16:59:00.022+01:00

The bad seed has been planted: In November another bakery (blue arrows) will open

on Grindelallee. In the once diverse neighborhood yeast culture is yet growing stronger.

If there's anything we do not need in this neighborhood, it's another bakery. There are about 7 within a hundred yards - not counting the numerous cafes, grocery stores and newsstands that are selling bread, rolls and pastry just by the way. I was quite happy with the One-Euro-Store next to the head-massager-and-tabletop-fountain-store, but unfortunately it went out of business in September. Last week I first noticed the sign announcing the opening of a new franchise self-service bakery store. I'm confused. I'd like to think it's a conspiracy, but then it's too obvious to be one. To me it's becoming pretty clear that bread is taking over the city! Doesn't anybody see? Doesn't anybody care?? One night we'll wake up from a yeasty smell, and there will be dough all over the place, dough pushing open the bedroom door, dough coming through the cracks in the walls, dough creeping into our beds, winding its way under our blankets, covering our feet, legs, bodies, and before we can even scream it will fill our mouths and noses and ears and lungs and ... and... and... HELP!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think people my age should be Defense Ministers.

2009-10-23T23:27:00.012+02:00

No, that's not true. Of course they should. I just wonder how people of the same generation can be so different. Some grow up. And others just get wrinkles.

Impressions from Braunschweig or: The pleasures of being historically challenged.

2009-10-13T20:26:00.016+02:00

Braunschweig, the Lion City, is celebrating the 800th anniversary of the coronation of emperor Otto IV. this year. Otto, the son of Henry the Lion and Mathilda of England, was crowned on October 4th 1209 and remained the first and only Guelph emporer ever. Even without having a clue what that means, it is quite impressive to walk around the medieval city center with the cathedral, the old town hall, the lion statue and the half timbered houses.

Just look at this cannonball in the cathedral wall. It was fired on August 20th MDCXV! That was almost CVD years ago! Or more than MIIV? XMVI? I guess I have to calculate that again.

Legend has it that Henry's lion scratched the door of the cathedral trying to get to his master who was entombed inside. Braunschweig born Detlef V. shows the spot. No animals were harmed in the making of this picture.

Smile, Mum! Just kidding. This is not one of my pictures. It's from around 1865 and shows the old town's town hall. Things haven't changed much, they just added some color recently, as you can see in the picture below.

This is one of the gargoyles on the roof of the old town's town hall. I understand that it is quite boring to sit on the roof for hundreds of years, especially when it's not even raining, but... please!

And then, later that evening, when Cinderella opened the freezer door ...

2009-10-07T23:31:00.005+02:00

... to get the bottle of vodka out... "See here," said the lady, taking up a dish of peas that was on a shelf, "I will throw this basinful of peas into the ash-heap behind the house, and if you can get every pea picked out of the ashes in an hour's time you can go to the ball with my daughters." Then the lady, followed by Cinderella, carried the peas out and threw them into the ashes. "Here is the basin," said she, handing it to the girl, "and you can go at your task as soon as you choose."

She returned to the house, and Cinderella stood looking at the ash-heap. "I could not find all those peas in a week's time," said she; "I must have help." And she began to call,

"Hither, hither, through the sky,
All you little songsters fly!
One and all, come help me quick,
Make haste, make haste—come pick, pick, pick!"

And guess what - nothing happened. Poor Cinderella had to pick up the frozen peas all by her little self, didn't go to the ball, had a drink anyway, went to bed with her own guy and lived happily ever after.

It's Monday somewhere.

2009-09-27T13:30:00.003+02:00

Or visit us at www.who-says-35-letters-are-too-many-for-a-web-address.com!

2009-09-20T21:25:00.014+02:00

I just wonder: Is there a museum for excess length URLs too?

www.erstesberliner-ddr-motorradmuseum.de is definitely one of my all-time favorites.

It's not gray, it's anthracite.

2009-09-16T09:58:00.004+02:00

Hmmm... How to explain the Hamburg weather? It's not like the sun isn't there. You just have to zoom in a lot to find it.

A sunny Wednesday in Zurich or: the perfect déjà-definitely-not-vu-ever.

2009-09-12T21:31:00.013+02:00

I remember I have been to the lake before.

I don't recall this place. At all.

Have I been to Zurich before? Or haven't I? I'm pretty sure I have. Strange enough to fly in for a day, and yes: I was tired because I had to be at the airport before six, but still... shouldn't I be able to recognize some parts of the city? Yes, I should. But when I got off the tram train and walked downtown I had the perfect deja-friggin'-what's-wrong-with-me-definitely-not-vu. The buildings? Never seen them before. The stores? No recognition whatsoever. The restaurants? Nope. And all the signs that said "lake" seemed to point in a wrong direction. So I just wandered on, crossed a bridge to the other side of the river and ahhhh... there it was. Okay, it feels good to know that I'm not suffering from Alzheimers, but how can it be that I spent almost a week in Zurich a couple of years ago and never made it to the west side of the river? Isn't that equally weird? If I were me I would be scared.

Secret elf shower found south of the Elbe river.

2009-09-12T21:03:00.008+02:00

Did I say we only found one mushroom? Well, I lied. There were many more, but they are just so much better in a picture than in a soup. I especially like the little showerhead on the tree. I wonder who showers there. Dwarfs? Elves? Squirrels? People who take their sex dolls into the woods?

This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts.

2009-09-05T20:24:00.008+02:00

We went mushrooming today. I have never been mushrooming before and to be honest: we didn't find but one. But as with hunting and fishing I found the chase much more interesting than the catch. I shot some good ones! Just look at the head of the sex doll we found. Isn't she an angel? Singing her silent song amidst the trees - so sincere about her music. The forest was truly magical today.

Hurricane merchandise moving northwestward at an amazing 3,500 mph

2009-08-16T10:29:00.008+02:00

Mother nature is so 10,000 years ago... Slow, slow, slow. While Ana and Bill are still hanging out on the Atlantic, hurricane merchandise has made landfall. Canned goods, water, first aid kits? Forget it. Nothing worse than being caught in a storm with the wrong t-shirt. You can get yours now at http://skreened.com/newraveproducts/hurricane-ana. Oh yes, and if you're interested in the storm itself, you can track it here: http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/refresh/graphics_at2+shtml/085915.shtml?3-daynl

Always good to have a picture in store for times when you don't have the time to write a real post.

2009-08-09T23:34:00.004+02:00

Thank you.

Too good not to be true

2009-08-09T11:28:00.006+02:00

SEASON ONE, EPISODE ONE. THE CONCERT.

EXT. THE PARK – SUMMER. NIGHT FALLS.
The camera pans over the small artificial lake. The water organ concert has finished, people are on their way home. Happy chatter and the whining of babies past their bedtime. MATT and LYNN, both in their 30s, are sitting in the first row of the empty amphitheater drinking beer.

LYNN:
There’s a nice full moon these days. Could see it from my window.

LYNN looks up to the sky to find it.

LYNN:
Hummm. Where would it be? Over there, right?

LYNN points to a spot behind the trees.

MATT:
Errr... Well, if you could see it from your window, it’s gotta be over there.

MATT points to the opposite direction.

LYNN:
No way.

She takes another sip from her beer bottle.

THREE TURKISH BOYS in baggy shorts and t-shirts appear. Two of them are about 13 years old, the youngest is only 9. They discover the empty stage and climb up. They try some dancing moves, then feel embarrassed and start to giggle.

YOUNGEST BOY:
Laaaa! Did you hear the echo? Laaaaaaa! LAAAA! Testing! Testing!

THE OLDER BOYS laugh. THE YOUNGEST BOY starts dancing. It’s something that looks like Michael Jackson’s moonwalk. THE YOUNGEST BOY sings.

YOUNGEST BOY:
Ze ... in ze motion... come on... beat eh... beat eh... beat ehh!

MATT and LYNN in the audience start laughing.

LYNN:
Isn’t that cute? He doesn’t know the words! Beat eh! Haha.

MATT starts clapping his hands.

MATT:
Whoooo-hooo! More! We want more!

THE OLDEST BOY suddenly realizes they are not alone. He looks down in embarrassment.

MATT and LYNN keep on clapping.

LYNN:
Please! Go on!

THE THREE BOYS continue dancing and singing their version of „Beat it“. After three minutes they look at each other and climb down from the stage.

Thunderous applause from MATT and LYNN. THE THREE BOYS walk over to them.

OLDEST BOY:
You really liked it?

LYNN:
Yeah! Big time!

MATT:
Can we have an autograph? You’re gonna be famous soon!

THE BOYS look at each other. They laugh.

YOUNGEST BOY:
Really? You want an autograph?

LYNN gets a pen out of her purse but can’t find a piece of paper.

LYNN:
Yes, absolutely! Here’s a pen. I don’t have any paper, so you have to write on my arm.

THE YOUNGEST BOY grabs the pen. He writes his name on her forearm very carefully – and in capital letters. He steps back and looks at it.

LYNN:
Wow, thank you, Fath...

THE YOUNGEST BOY looks shocked. He grabs LYNN’s arm.

YOUNGEST BOY:
Oh no! I spelled it wrong!

Sharp pen in his little fist, he starts scratching out his autograph from LYNN’s forearm. LYNN jumps up and screams.

LYNN:
Ouch! What the..?!!

THE YOUNGEST BOY lets go of her arm. He looks guilty and scared. Tears well up in his eyes.

YOUNGEST BOY:
Oh, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to... I’m sorry!

MATT starts laughing hard.

MATT:
That’s so... Hahahahaha! That’s so funny! Hahaha! He... Hahaha! He scratched out... Hahaha!

LYNN rubs her arm. Two red lines appear. It hurts, but she has to laugh too.

LYNN:
Hahaha! Look at that! Are you trying to kill me?! Hahaha!

THE TWO OLDER BOYS laugh too. THE YOUNGEST BOY still looks sad.

YOUNGEST BOY (whispering):
I’m sorry...

THE THREE BOYS walk away. From the last row of the amphitheater they wave at LYNN and MATT.

THE THREE BOYS (shouting):
Goodbye! Have a nice evening!

MATT (shouting):
Bye guys! Thanks for the show!

LYNN and MATT look at their beer bottles. LYNN raises hers.

LYNN:
Well... To Michael Jackson then.

MATT:
To Michael Jackson. And the painful power of pop music.

They clink their bottles together. The moon appears behind the trees.

A sure sign that you're not in Germany anymore.

2009-07-26T17:31:00.002+02:00

Forget labradoodles - barnacles voted "most popular pet" 2009.

2009-07-23T04:05:00.009+02:00

Are these guys right out of a horror movie or what? I like how they lick their lips with their little alien tongues and then even spit at you. Great. They are inspiring. I wonder if anybody ever had a barnacle as a muse.

Florida virus warning: Trojan crabs attacking computer systems in Martin County.

2009-07-20T03:29:00.012+02:00

I got home just in time! The little hacker had already gained access to my computer system and uploaded some crabby files. I wonder how he could get past my firewall. Fortunately he didn't do any real harm. But it sure feels strange to know that somebody was snooping around your hard drive.

Too hot to move out of the sun

2009-07-17T23:50:00.005+02:00

Sittin' on the dock of the bay... Don't make me move more than five inches a minute!

It’s all in my head: Why bleeps and blurs don’t work for my f***ing brain.

2009-07-15T04:30:00.009+02:00

Isn’t that amazing? I’m 36 years old and have seen one or two life-size ***s over the past 15 years, and I’m still shocked when I watch a movie where a guy holds his *** into the camera or ***s another guy’s *** with a ***. The movie was Brüno, and yes, I completely understand why some people left the theater after 15 minutes. It was offensive.
Thinking about the movie and why I felt so uncomfortable I noticed a couple of interesting things. First thing: when it comes to movies, I’m almost completely Americanized. I just didn’t expect somebody to say the f-word on screen. I have heard so many bleeps on tv recently, that I was really shocked. It’s funny because in Germany we don’t bleep. If you feel like it, you can say Scheiße and Arschloch and ficken all you want – even at prime time.
Second thing: Bleeps or blurred pictures or black rectangles don’t work. At least not for my brain. It’s like the blind spot in your eye: although you know there are parts missing, you still see the whole picture, because your brain blends in all the surrounding colors and covers it up. To me it doesn’t make a difference if somebody says the actual word or I hear a bleep, the content is still the same. To me „bleep“ is as clear an acoustical sign as the acoustical sign „fuck“. The same with blurred images: I don’t need to see every detail of a big *** slowly ***ing somebody’s ***. My brain fills in the missing parts automatically. Thank you, brain! Well, I think I’ll get over it. But – third thing - it got me thinking. If we want to keep kids from seeing or hearing explicit or violent content, is it sufficient to bleep and blur? Or does the offensive message get across, no matter which acoustical or visual alteration is used? Sometimes I feel we overestimate our mind’s capacity for dealing with irritating images. Once they are inside our head they are hard to get rid of.

Phew - finally my underwater photography skills are improving.

2009-07-12T17:57:00.004+02:00

This is not so bad! I like bubbles. Will take some more pictures today. Thanks for the pool, Suzanne!

This is Philip doing his famous somersault. Pity I didn't hear he would do it under water.

Scary! This is a fish's view of me. I actually think I look different. But who am I to say?

City of Stuart hires lizards to do security checks in Flagler Park.

2009-07-06T23:29:00.010+02:00

one of the new officers searching a purse

a female officer patting down a tourist in Flagler Park

Dragonfly squadron practices for 4th of July airshow on the beach.

2009-07-03T21:27:00.012+02:00

Attack of the five pound hummingbird

2009-06-22T20:01:00.003+02:00

Is it true that it doesn't matter what kind of bird you put on your windows? Are birds really so ignorant they can't tell a bird of prey from a hummingbird? Or are bird sticker designers?

Germany? Not my job.

2009-06-21T22:48:00.012+02:00

Rarely does one get the chance to find a great analogy in the hall. Today I did – it was right there at my feet! I had been thinking about the view Americans and Germans have of their countries. Why people in America get excited about presidential elections and why Germans oftentimes consider the act of voting an unpleasant duty. I thought and thought and walked down the stairs and ... then I tripped over the pile of paper in the hall. Torn envelopes, candy wrappers, free newspapers, eureka! If people throw away their trash in their own house, why would they care for the well being of their country? "Germany is an apartment house" I thought. People live here, but they don't take ownership. It's just a house, not a home. They pay rent, and they pay taxes, and they believe this money buys them certain rights and services provided by the owner. Which - of course - is true, but only one part of the story. Why do people feel so separated from their own lives?

Have to go... They are coming...

2009-06-17T15:37:00.004+02:00

A milk mystery revealed: scientist Stephen Myers says "coconuts actually mammals".

2009-06-15T15:16:00.012+02:00

This could be the end of a milk mystery: earlier today Leipzig based scientist Stephen Myers published a photo showing a female coconut breast-feeding her baby. "Coconuts are very shy. Until now we didn't know anything about their social life and breeding. Most people consider them just nuts, but the fact that coconuts produce milk kept bothering me", says Myers. The scientist spent three years in a coconut community and finally got a chance to take a picture of a nursing coconut mother. Myers claims that if his research results prove to be true, the "coco nucifera" has to be renamed "coco bovina".

Jim Jarmusch fails in attempt to keep awake copywriter (36) in Hamburg movie theater.

2009-06-10T22:50:00.005+02:00

Thinking outside the red cube: German Social Democrats count on interactive poster campaign.

2009-06-07T12:06:00.015+02:00

For today's European elections Social Democrats in Hamburg have come up with a modern approach to attract voters: the interactive offline campaign. "Analog is the new dialog. Everybody can launch an internet forum, but only we have posters that you can actually design yourself - with a pencil, a spray can or simply your fingernails. We even left the bottom of the poster blank, that's how we give people a voice", says a party official. The campaign proved to be quite successful in the run-up to the elections. Almost every poster shows signs of voters' creativity and involvement. Art techniques include collage, pastel, oil painting, pen and ink, chocolate milk, and tempera, combined with comments like "Impostor" or "I know what you did last summer".

Declared dead Hans von Mueller reports back with new CD after 86 years.

2009-06-05T16:14:00.010+02:00

German fighter pilot Hans von Mueller who had disappeared with his ultraviolet triplane in 1923 over Thuringia and was officially declared dead in 1926, is back with a vengeance. Surprisingly enough it's a musical one – earlier today the 105 year old presented his new CD "Amazing Greis" to the public and the international media in Eimsbuttel, Germany. "After the plane crash I survived in a subterranean reservoir of hyaloronic acid", says von Mueller who bears his age well. "Amazing Greis" will be available from June 8th 2009.

Don't read - listen.

2009-06-05T12:13:00.002+02:00

A month after we broke up he started sending me flowers.

2009-06-04T16:25:00.004+02:00

No, I don't want to talk about it!

2009-06-03T17:46:00.003+02:00

I love your names, Diefenderfer Dallesandro and Bulluck Schmier.

2009-05-21T07:41:00.009+02:00

Who are you? Where do you live? Why do you want to sell me viagra? Ah, it doesn't matter. I just love your names. No human mother would be inventive and loving enough to call their babies Diefenderfer Dallesandro and Bulluck Schmier. Your names have been given to you by a higher power. Let's do some genealogy. When Margot Diefenderfer met Claudio Dallesandro on Ellis Island in 1927 she fell in love with him immediately. Despite their cultural differences (she didn't speak any Italian, he didn't speak any German) they got married soon after and moved to New Jersey. John, their first-born, grew up under the tables of their Bavarian Pizzeria, his parents always busy with cooking and serving the customers from the bustling immigrant community. After the war John decided to go to a west coast college where he met Alice Grzybinski. The young student of theoretical physics first was hesitant to give up her studies for family life, but when she got pregnant in midterm, she was happy to move back to New Jersey. Between 1950 and 1966 John and Alice Dallesandro had five kids. After his mother's unexpected death in 1968 John suffered a severe psychological crisis which left him unable to work at the restaurant and shook his strong belief in god. He took comfort in investigating his German heritage more and traveled to his mother's home town of Heidenheim, where he spent a year taking cooking classes and learning German. Soon after he had returned from his overseas trip Alice Dallesandro found herself pregnant again. John was delighted. The couple named the boy Diefenderfer after John's mother's maiden name and started some attemps at bilingual education which they gave up after a while. Young Diefenderfer wasn't too talented with languages but showed a great interest in electronics. Although his first company didn't survive the burst of the dot-com bubble, Diefenderfer didn't give up. Today he works as a senior software engineer for an email marketing firm. He has tried viagra, but doesn't like the taste of it.